First off-site review has been published.

My review for Tomb Raider is up and you can read it at Geek-O-Rama.

Tomb Raider review (preview)

I'll be reviewing games soon for Geek-o-Rama, and this is a preview of the review I'll be submitting for the recent release, Tomb Raider.

She presses herself against the rock wall, breathing shallow and

listening intently. Two men, a crackling campfire, conversation hushed, but

casual. One of them bitching at the other about a book he'd found on the

last freighter that washed ashore. She's outmatched, but she's got no

choice. There's no way around them, only through. She waits for her moment.

She may be smaller, weaker, but she's smart.

Book of Words

Magic, in a very literal since, is something that can't possibly be real. It just can't. There are scientific laws that govern our world, that state very clearly all things happen for a reason, but only in the context of cause followed by effect. People want to believe, though, in something greater than themselves.

Sadly, catching things on fire from a distance without the use of technology or conjuring a rabbit from a hat are things that just don't happen in the real world. Magic, though, that's another story. Magic is people. People, and their interactions in the world around them.

I've found that by pushing a little here, dropping a hint there, an encouragement or a look, you can affect a change in the world around you, and what else is magic but change?

Blades Of Time: I'm very confused.

     During the recent Summer Sale on Steam, I happened to pick up a title that looked odd, but interesting. I remember hearing about a game called X-Blades, that was pretty well panned critically, and didn't make too many waves among players either. I also remember of X-Blades, that it was none too popular amongst people with an eye for gender representation issues, either. This came as no surprise, considering it's lead character, a blonde girl with pigtails named Ayumi, wore little more than a thong, a bikini top, and a pair of big stompy boots. As far as strong female charactarization, this is not Faith from Mirror's Edge or Chell from Portal.

Ayumi, pictured actually wearing proper clothes.

     All that said, I have not played X-Blades. What I have now played is a game called Blades of Time, which Wikipedia tells me is a "Spiritual Successor" to X-Blades.

     I'm not sure if I'm just terrible at following storylines, or someone needs to rethink the use of the words "spiritual successor." Bioshock is a spiritual successor to System Shock. Assassin's Creed is the spiritual successor to Prince of Persia (even though that series just won't die). Blades of Time has the same main character, a similar art style (accounting for improved graphics), and a similar storyline and character motivations. This is, ladies and gentlemen, as far as I can tell a sequel.

     The opening of the game does nothing to deny this, either. You're dropped straight into a cutscene of Ayumi (thankfully now wearing about as much clothing as Lara Croft as opposed to just her underpants) and a gentleman whom I can only describe as Mickey Rourke with a mohawk and the sword from Darksiders attacking a monastary, only to be transported to 'Dragonland,' where they are separated, and Ayumi is now a conduit for magical attack powers and there are human pirates and some woman with tight pants named Michelle and a talking fire-woman who looks and sounds like Ayumia nd oh god I've gone cross-eyed.

     I was sure, up until the credits rolled, that the game was written by a Japanese developer, as it makes about as much sense as your average Devil May Cry game, so imagine my suprise when a long string of Russian names scrolled across the screen as I beat down the final boss and got an ending cutscene that was roughly long enough for me to say "what the fu" before it ended. I had to go look this up, too, because the developer is called Gaijin Studios. GAIJIN STUDIOS. You couldn't make your studio sound more Japanese to western audiences than if you named it Tokyo Game Attack Squad GO!. With the exclamation mark.

     The combat's not bad though, once you overcome your hesitance to take such a glass cannon as Ayumi into close combat. There's even a section near the end where you pretty much get to turn into a deity, finding that you're some kind of "dragonkind." The game is awfully pretty, though. Levels are blindingly colourful, which is a welcome change from your average brown and grey levels in most games in the last few years.

Dragonkind, you say?

     Overall, I'm very confused. I feel as if I walked into a film a third of the way in, and I missed all of the exposition from the beginning. As we reach that point in every game review, it's time to ask the question: Did I get my money's worth? I paid $10 for it. It was amusing, it lasted roughly 10 hours, and had a lot of pretty scenery. I'd say so, but I certainly wouldn't recommend this at full price unless you are REALLY jonesing for some God of War or Devil May Cry action.

Ruminations on the Fallacy of the Friendzone.

Old meme is old.

Before I start, male and female in this post are used arbitrarily. Men do this to other men, women do it to other women, and both genders to it to each other. Even educated bees do it. That said, I'm trying to avoid any cries of sexism or gender-bias, but the he/she mechanic really is the easiest way to address this.

The internet is a wonderful place. It really is. It's birthed some of the greatest ideas, and allowed others to grow. It's given a voice to people who otherwise wouldn't have one, employment to those who would otherwise be shut out of an inclusive industry, and entertainment to those who are tired of the same old cliche from aforementioned industry. It's allowed people to express themselves in positive ways without fear of repurcussions, but it's also allowed some pretty negative ideas to flourish as well. And with every negative idea, there's a knee-jerk response.

There has been a recent escalation in the occurrence of the 'friendzone' meme, countered by an 'anti-friendzone' meme. The perpetrators of both of these memes seem to be laboring under some pretty severe misunderstandings. I'd like to say there's nothing I can add to it, but the one thing that neither side has been able to bring to the table so far has been reason. Given this premise, I have points I'd direct to both sides in this particular conflict.

To the pro-friendzoners: The picture has a point, if a very one-sided one. Just because you're nice to a girl doesn't mean she's going to have sex with you. There has to be chemistry, and that chemistry is required on both parts. If it's not there, it's not there, I'm sorry to say. This may mean that she sees you as just a friend, or it may mean that she really wants nothing to do with you and she's either too polite or doesn't want to feel guilty about telling you to piss right off. Either way, you didn't end up there because you're nice. You ended up there because a)biology doesn't like you, b) you're not assertive enough, or c) she's just not that into you. The best thing you can do in this situation is move on and look for someone that's going to show as much interest in you as you do in them, and reciprocate those feelings. Back up off of her until you feel comfortable being her friend again, if she truly wants that. If not, don't force it. Find someone who's really going to be your friend.

To the anti-friendzoners: Most guys realize they're not working off of a scratch-card or tokens. There's a pretty under-represented part of the population that only incidentally wanted to sleep with you because they view you as an interesting person and want to have an emotional relationship with you. As is with most things, sex is part of that. So when you let them know you can't see them as any more than just a friend, don't get pissy and complain about this mythical friendzone idea they have in their head, because there's every possibility they're hurting and need time away from you before they can act like a rational human being in your presence. Your feelings may not be there, but theirs still are, and it's pretty inconsiderate to go "yeah, sure we're still friends" and expect things to automatically go back to the way they were before they manned up and told you how they felt. On the other hand, yes, there are guys who are the "nice guys" complete with air quotes that complain about being friendzoned. Just be honest with them, explain your position, and if need be write them off.

This entire headache is just one more cancer that I place squarely on the shoulders of that awful Friends show. If they hadn't popularized the term, it wouldn't have taken off, and men wouldn't hate women for valuing friendship, and women wouldn't hate men for having feelings and not being able to handle them properly. The more I think about this, the more it makes me think of that rather enlightened view of how patriarchal society hurts men as much as women because of the whole 'man up and hold in those emotions, don't let your sadness and misery show otherwise you're less of a man' guff that we've been feeding men for the last five or six decades.

Or, I'm sure we'd have found another way to do it without the word "friendzone."

Long story short? Yes, there are people who tell other people "yeah sorry, let's just be friends" and don't mean it. And there are guys that walk away as soon as they realize they aren't gonna hit that, then joke about the whole friendzone thing. But this whole pro/anti-friendzone thing has gotten out of hand. You want to handle it? Open a dialogue.